2015 flew by for me. I had so many blog ideas and so many pics I wanted to share. Yet there seemed no time for me to sit and actually write them out.
My PTSD has taken so much from me. It’s hard for me to sit and concentrate long enough to write a blog that doesn’t jump all over the place and makes a bit of sense.
I recently came to the realization that I’m tired of being a victim. I want to be a survivor! My pain is not hurting those that hurt me in the least. I’m hurting myself by holding on to the pain.
I’ve been going to therapy for 4 years now. That’s a whole lot of pain I’ve been dealing with. I was finely directed to someone who specializes in trauma and ptsd, I’ve been seeing her for almost a year now.
Over this last year I have grown and learned so much about myself. Understanding that I’m not “crazy” or “dramatic”. I’m a human being with feelings and it’s ok if I show them. I’m allowed to grieve and show happiness, or even sadness.
I’ve been doing a whole lot of grieving for the mother that I never really had in the first place. A mother who wrote me off when I confronted her instead of owning her part of the abuse and neglecting me. That’s been a hard pill to swallow. I still react wrong in certain situations for fear of how she would react. Learning that she has never been there for me when it counts was not because, I had done anything wrong. It was all about her narcissism and wanting it to always be about her. To one up on me per say.
I still have a lot of healing to do and I’m bound and determined to make 2016 the year of Jamie. Good things are on the horizon. I really hope that I’ll be able to share my journey with all of you.
Until next time;