Antisocial much?

I find myself becoming more and more antisocial. This concerns me a bit. I was once a social butterfly. I loved people, and it was nothing for me to start a conversation with a perfect stranger. Now, not so much. I find that I don’t particularly like people and I’m borderline, if not downright rude to people. I don’t mean to be, I just don’t seem to have a filter anymore.
With each mini stroke I have, more of my personality seems to be altered. I’m slowly losing myself and I don’t like it. Maybe it’s partly the isolation to blame as well. Sure I have my kids but it’s not the same thing as engaging in actual meaningful conversation with a friend.

I use to share things about myself and my kids on Facebook. Now, I just can’t bring myself to do it for a few reasons. 1) I don’t think anyone really cares. 2) In spite of writing status in my head I can’t seem to be bothered to actually write one up. 3)Communication in written form is hard for me most days. As you can tell from my blog, my thoughts are all over the place. I have a hard time writing things down since my strokes, even more so since my 2nd one.

I have a secret I’m going to share. I’m in so much pain every day and things have gotten so bad that I’m in bed 24/7. Not laying down but in bed non the less. I can’t stand more than 3 minutes before my bad leg gives out. Of course my spine has narrowed so significantly that doesn’t help much either. I have spinal Stenosis among many other ailments. My Doctor said on the inside I’m 86 even though my actual age is 46. That’s all I have to say about that.

Thursday I had a routine appt with my pain doctor. He gave me trigger point injections in my neck, spine (top to bottom), ribs, and hips. All in all about 100 injections. It did help a bit, plus I was given a shot of Toradol. Which is just basically amped up Ibuprofen but it helps a lot.
I got a letter in the mail today from my insurance company saying no more injections. I didn’t need them, they weren’t helping me. Umm…excuse me…how do they know if they are or are not helping me? Some fuckwad behind a desk has decided they aren’t helping, so Monday the fight starts. *sighs*

Until next time;

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4 thoughts on “Antisocial much?

  1. I’m sorry you are in so much pain. I’m not sure why you want that to be a secret though. Seems to me if enough people know, more people would be more willing to help you out. Mostly your selfish kids (the oldest ones) who don’t seem to mind asking YOU for things, without giving you much back. I think about you a lot, and wish I could do something but I can’t financially. Hopefully now that you have your disability, maybe you can get some kind of in-home helpers too. I’m always hoping things will get better for you.

    • My children all know. I don’t think they much care. At least that’s how it feels.
      I’m really hoping I can get some sort of help. As much as my pride wants to say “No, I don’t need it”, I DO need it. Emma and Sophie help some but if I’m going to be honest with you they really aren’t doing much at all. I have to be on them both to get them to do the smallest of tasks and they do it half assed. That’s for another blog.

  2. I feel for you Jamie. I also hate insurance companies. Maybe you can find a support group to help you talk about your medical problems. There’s a lot of people that are dealing with all the issues you are having. ((Hugs))

    • While a support group would be beneficial. I don’t have a way to get to one. I don’t have a car and I’m not allowed to drive. If I was able to get a ride there I don’t know that I would have the energy to go. I should look for one that is for my area that is online. Surely I can’t be the only one that would find it easier to talk online.
      It’s good to hear from you. I’m going to swing by your blog. 🙂

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