I find myself becoming more and more antisocial. This concerns me a bit. I was once a social butterfly. I loved people, and it was nothing for me to start a conversation with a perfect stranger. Now, not so much. I find that I don’t particularly like people and I’m borderline, if not downright rude to people. I don’t mean to be, I just don’t seem to have a filter anymore.
With each mini stroke I have, more of my personality seems to be altered. I’m slowly losing myself and I don’t like it. Maybe it’s partly the isolation to blame as well. Sure I have my kids but it’s not the same thing as engaging in actual meaningful conversation with a friend.
I use to share things about myself and my kids on Facebook. Now, I just can’t bring myself to do it for a few reasons. 1) I don’t think anyone really cares. 2) In spite of writing status in my head I can’t seem to be bothered to actually write one up. 3)Communication in written form is hard for me most days. As you can tell from my blog, my thoughts are all over the place. I have a hard time writing things down since my strokes, even more so since my 2nd one.
I have a secret I’m going to share. I’m in so much pain every day and things have gotten so bad that I’m in bed 24/7. Not laying down but in bed non the less. I can’t stand more than 3 minutes before my bad leg gives out. Of course my spine has narrowed so significantly that doesn’t help much either. I have spinal Stenosis among many other ailments. My Doctor said on the inside I’m 86 even though my actual age is 46. That’s all I have to say about that.
Thursday I had a routine appt with my pain doctor. He gave me trigger point injections in my neck, spine (top to bottom), ribs, and hips. All in all about 100 injections. It did help a bit, plus I was given a shot of Toradol. Which is just basically amped up Ibuprofen but it helps a lot.
I got a letter in the mail today from my insurance company saying no more injections. I didn’t need them, they weren’t helping me. Umm…excuse me…how do they know if they are or are not helping me? Some fuckwad behind a desk has decided they aren’t helping, so Monday the fight starts. *sighs*
Until next time;